Horses, hats and hangovers

I'm full of jealousy today. Friends sent me pictures from their recent trip to Royal Ascot, the oldest horse race meeting in the world. They've held the five-day Royal meeting at Ascot Racecourse near London every June since 1768. The Kentucky Derby didn't come along for another 107 years!

Since I've never been to Ascot, I must live vicariously through my friends, Eve and Rico Gagliano. They were kind enough to send photos Rico took.

As Rico puts it, Royal Ascot is the most British thing EVER. A dress code is strictly enforced in certain areas of the stands. Ladies must wear a day dress of a minimum length. They will toss you out if your dress is too short. For the gentlemen, grey or black "morning dress" is required. And of course, a top hat. The ladies can wear just about any hat they please, even one that resembles a barbed-wire fence.

The etiquette authorities are full of suggestions for enjoying Ascot racing in a graceful manner: "Eating in public requires all private habits be closeted. Pace yourself, so neither hoover like a wolf nor pick like a sparrow. Bring food to your mouth rather than drop your head."

"Hangovers are generally self-inflicted, so you should approach the day after an evening's over-indulgence with stoicism, and keep your misery to yourself."

"A man should stand up to greet a woman when she first arrives. There is no need, however, to jump up and down like a jack in the box every time she enters or leaves the room."

Sounds like it might make for a pretty stuffy experience, but Rico says in the general admission section, The Silver Ring, it's much more relaxed. You can bring a picnic and beer and wine if you like. And people definitely do. During the meeting, Ascot attendees drink 170,000 bottles of champagne and 160,000 pints of beer. They eat 4 tons of beef and 10,000 lobsters!

The Royal Ascot meeting would not be Royal without you-know-who. Every day at 2pm, the Queen and other royal family members parade up the stretch in horse-drawn carriage.

One drunk Brit told Rico: "God bless her, Liz is the only lady in the nation who can pull off an entire outfit all the same color."

Drunken fashion critiques aside, there is some fantastic racing at Royal Ascot. One third of Britain's Grade 1 races (the highest level) for the year take place during the meeting. The highlight for me was probably Goldikova winning the Queen Anne Stakes. Goldikova is like the Zenyatta of Europe. I love watching this mare run. The past two years, she's flown over from France to dominate the Breeders' Cup Mile at Santa Anita Park. In the Queen Anne, she was the only female and as usual, she made the boys look silly.

Rico got a nice shot of the Albany Stakes, a race for two-year-old fillies, won my Memory. You'll notice the horses are running clockwise around the track, the opposite of racing in the US. Brits and Americans have to do everything the opposite way, don't they? Royal Ascot's course is also triangular instead of oval, and at a mile and 3/4, it's longer than any track in the United States (Belmont Park being the longest at a mile and 1/2).

To me, horses racing on grass is just about the prettiest thing in the world. Soon enough, I shall don my top hat and tails and make my way to Royal Ascot.

I promise not to hoover like a wolf or jump up and down like a jack in the box.

Especially if I have a hangover, which I shall keep to myself.